爱吃辣的加拿大大叔雅思托福10多年一线教学中文说得还不错，头像是他家猫在这里分享他原创的雅思写作干货每篇范文都有配音，在同名公众号“英语考试Cat”你好呀，我是来自加拿大的雅思外教Mac。今天，给大家带来一个雅思流程图小作文的范文。祝各位早日和雅思分手，加油！
爱吃辣的加拿大大叔
雅思托福10多年一线教学
中文说得还不错，头像是他家猫
在这里分享他原创的雅思写作干货
每篇范文都有配音，在同名公众号“英语考试Cat”
你好呀，我是来自加拿大的雅思外教Mac。今天，给大家带来一个雅思流程图小作文的范文。
老规矩，以下是正文目录：
1，学生作文 (7分)
2，7分作文点评 修改
3，修改 优化后版本 (9分)
4，范文朗读
5，范文详解
上题：
我学生的版本：
This diagram demonstrates the production process of instant noodles.
The entire manufacturing lifecycle, an eight-stage process, starts with flour shipped by trucks and finishes with the sealing and labeling of instant noodle cups. It is worth to note that the first phase is separate from the rest, which is one single assembly line for the production of instant noodles.
In the initial stage, flour is stored into massive storage silos from which it is then transported to a mixer without cover, from where the flour is mixed with water and oil, producing dough. The following step presses the dough with rollers into thin dough sheets and are subsequently cut into thin dough strips. For the fifth and sixth phase, noodle strips are first cooked with cooking oil in discs installed into the machine, followed by them being dried and packed into cups. The last step of the procedure sees the sealing and labeling of instant noodle cups, ready for the market.
Mac点评：
- Task Response 写作任务完成情况: 7分 (missed a step or under-described certain steps 描述不充分，且漏了一个步骤)
- Coherence & Cohesion 连贯与衔接: 7分 (improper use of relative pronouns 关系代词使用不当)
- Lexical Resource 词汇丰富程度: 7分 (somewhat lacking in precise/more complex vocabulary 使用的词汇不太精确)
- Grammar Range & Accuracy 语法多样性及准确性: 8分
- Total Score 总分: 7分
Mac的修改：
修改 优化后的版本，往下拉
- Model Answer 高分范文 & 范文朗读 -
▲范文音频戳这里▲
The diagram demonstrates the production process of instant noodles, from raw material delivery to the factory to the labeling of the product, making it ready for delivery.
Overall, the entire manufacturing lifecycle, an eight-stage process, starts with flour being shipped and delivered by trucks to the plant and finishes with the sealing and labeling of the instant noodle cups.
In the initial stage, flour is pumped from tanker trucks into massive storage silos, from which it is then transferred to a mixer without cover, where the flour is mixed with water and oil, producing dough. The following step presses the dough with rollers into thin dough sheets, which are subsequently cut into thin dough strips through a mechanism with rolling blades. For the fifth and sixth phase, the noodle strips, now curled into disc shapes, are then cooked with cooking oil, followed by being dried and packed into cups, along with vegetable pieces and spices. The last step of the process sees the sealing and tagging of instant noodle cups, ready for the market.
It is worth noting that the first phase is separate from the other steps, as they are integrated into one single assembly line procedure.
- Essay Analysis 范文解析 -
在这篇文章里，表示流程的词有：
- process
- lifecycle
- stage
- step
- phase
在这篇文章里，表示时间顺序的词有：
- starts with...finishes with
- initial
- then
- the following
- followed by
- the last
- the first
高分地道词汇：
- transfer 转移
- mechanism 机制
- curl 卷曲；成螺旋状
- tagging 贴标签
- integrate 整合；合并
- procedure 过程；流程
以上就是我今天分享的关于雅思的部分干货，如果你在考雅思，或单纯想提升英语，做1个动作：点击关注我，及时收看更多干货好文。
祝各位早日和雅思分手，加油！
